somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
