wrigley field is MILF paradise
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
