So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
