P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
