We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
