How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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