Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
