he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The uberlube is also flammable
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
