saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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