her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
