if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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