I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
