like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
why is half of my head shaved?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
