I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
