Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
