Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Enjoy the penises
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
