I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
