Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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