My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think people are normalizing furries
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
