I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize