I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
