Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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