Redeem this text for a blowjob
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
