you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
