Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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