break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
