Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I love having hate sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
