Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize