I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
