i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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