I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize