He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
