Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
