their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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