I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
