i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
