K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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