i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
