dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
