so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
