she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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