He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
