it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
