If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize