is your mom at the bar?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Randomize