I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So squirting runs in the family.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
