Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
