I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
