i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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