Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
