he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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