he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
