my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just googled if crying burns calories
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
