The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
