hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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