i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
