so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
