i need an iv and a liver transplant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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