How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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