WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
