Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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