Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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