the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
