bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize